I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize