you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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