last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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