Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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