i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
