Plan B is the new Plan A
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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