apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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