she woke up with a sticky ear
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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