Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
