do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
