dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
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