if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
