you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
