Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
