The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
