my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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