I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Randomize
