I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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