I've blown a few things in my day
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
