My liver just broke up with me...
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
