A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
This house was built for laser tag.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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