your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
