Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
