Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Randomize
