this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Randomize
