he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
