I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
