there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
this boner is exhausting
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
