While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
