whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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