Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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