she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
