my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
