You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She told me I should be a condom model.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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