I love black thongs
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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