so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize