Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
