I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
