Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
