Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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