Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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