no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
