my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
babies were throwing up all over the place
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
