Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
