dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize