watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The ass gains better be worth it
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