I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
