I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
