my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
