We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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