Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize