That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
