Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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