Tell her she can't have a vagina
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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