You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
