I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
