so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
