Christians are straight up FREAKS
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
