quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
