It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
