After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
