I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
