Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
