I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
