Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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