help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
