I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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